44 Kinahs in Chronological Order and Their Appropriate Response

Kinah stay home today?
Even though you know the answer to that question, what makes you think I would actually allow that?

Kinah paint something?
Something? Unless your talking about painting the house, no. Get dressed for school.

Kinah take this to school?
That pen cap? Sure, is there any other crap you’d like to take that we’ll have to fish out of the dryer?

Kinah take your Batman book on the bus?
No, the last one you took looked like you read it from inside a wood chipper.

Kinah make eggs?
You have to leave in 10 minutes, why don’t you make some bacon and French Toast to go with it.

When kinah’ve internet in my room?
When the internet is no longer awesome.

Kinah record one of my shows today?
Sure, fill up my DVR with Hannah Montanah and those gay Monkees for the new millenium.

Kinah watch SpongeBob?
I paid a lot of money for a 52” 1080p television. I did not purchase this to watch those crappy kids shows, I bought it so I could watch LOST in HD. I’m packing my lunch, where are the Cheez-its?

Kinah’ve some Captain Crunch?
Thankfully, someone finished it and left the empty box in the cabinet.

Kinah’ve some Captain Crunch?
I just…yes, this is Captain Crunch, it just looks and tastes different.

Kinah buy lunch today, it’s American Chopped Suey?
I don’t have any cash on me, and I thought you didn’t like that. Get on the bus.

I need to talk to you about the edits on that project. Kinah call you right now?
I’m on my way in to teach, just email them to me, your phone calls are too long.

Kinah send you the project after class?
Maybe you don’t understand the concept of a due date. The project’s due now, not after class. Instead of a career in Multimedia design, perhaps you should consider plumbing.

Kinah re-take the test?
Clearly, I have a separate set of rules for every student, so sure.

Kinah use you as a reference?
Yes, can I tell the truth?

Kinah have an extension of the project? My computer crashed.
Crap, I thought you were going to say car.

Kinah talk to you about something after class?
Can you write up a synopsis and email it to me? I work better that way because I have trouble looking you in the eye. Actually, I’m not interested in anything you have to say.

Kinah take your picture for the college paper?
Can I frown and throw up gang signs?

What kinah interest you in teaching next semester?
How To Be Awesome 101

When kinah expect you to start your Masters Degree?
When there is absolutely no work involved.

Kinah’ve you come over and fix my computer?
Of course. Because I have a degree in video production, and work on a computer all day, I’m clearly qualified to take time out of my day to roll down and fix your computer. While you’re at it, tell your husband to stay off the porn sites. If I am going to come over and fix your computer, clear your internet history, because I am going to look at the freaky shit you look at, judge you, and tell my wife.

Kinah’ve your Fax number?
Sure let me just move my telegraph and mimeo machine out of the way and I’ll plug in the Fax Machine. It’s actually right next to my time machine, I wasn’t aware we were in 1995.

Kinah get you to copy this VHS tape to DVD?
Yeah, that’ll only take about 6 hours, and I have nothing better to do.

Kinah tell you about how I was saved?
Only if it’s how Optimus Prime saved you while he was riding a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

Kinah get you to lower your quote for this job?
Sure, can I lower my standards?

When kinah call you to talk about these edits?
Well, you’ve had all day, so right now at 5PM is as good a time as any.

Kinah’ve a snack?
No, you can’t have a snack. You just got home from school, do your homework, leave me alone. You just had lunch.

Kinah walk to the store?
Yep, here’s $40, get me some hooch, the guy behind the counter is a good judge of age. If you have extra, buy me some Cheez-its.

Kinah use your DS?
No. That’s my Nintendo DS. You have your own, and it’s not my fault it’s not charged, or that it’s broken. Yes, I have a newer game system than you because I’m the dad. I grew up on a crappy Odyessy system, so it’s my turn to have better stuff than you.

Kinah’ve something else for dinner? I don’t like American Chop Suey.
Wait, what? You’re eating what we’re eating. I’m not Chef Tell, and this house doesn’t have a menu.

Kinah’ve a friend come over?
Which friend? Are you going to just start calling random people until someone agrees to come to MY house? And what are you planning on doing while they’re here, you’re always complaining you’re bored. Quite frankly, I think that’s exactly what this house needs, more people and more noise. The more people that will eat my Cheez-its the better.

Kinah get a cel phone?
Of course. Why don’t you get a source of income while you’re at it.

Kinah get a puppy?
Sure, can I get a bowl of Anti-Freeze and half a dozen chocolate bars?

Kinah’ve some Ice Cream?
No, that’s mine. And stay away from the Cheez-its.

Kinah use the scissors?
I’d sooner let you use a gun.

What kinah’ve with my dinner?
Anything but the Cheez-its. I think there are some olives and some pepperoncinis in the fridge.

Kinah put on a show?
If it’s a mime show, or performed completely with sign language, go nuts.

Kinah’ve some soda?
First of all, there is no soda in this house. Secondly, even if there was, there is no way I want you staying up until 1:00 AM.

Kinah take another shower?
You’re not clean from that 45 minute scrubdown from 2 hours ago?

Kinah borrow your Millenium Falcon?
Borrow implies that I’ll get it back, unlike my Indiana Jones hat, or my Muppet action figures.

Kinah do an experiment in the sink?
The stain from last time still looks like the Virgin Mary, make sure you make it worse.

Kinah watch a movie?
Only if it’s part of a trilogy. If not, unfortunately our TV doesn’t play those movies.

Kinah stay up late?
Can I?

What kinah’ve for dessert?
Benadryl.