About this Site

No bullshit.

In case you were wondering, I was going to write a book. I guess I still am, but my content and proposal are “in review” and the publishing board thinks it may be “too controversial”. Whatever. In light of not actually publishing anything, I’ve decided to put what I’ve done here. Let’s get this out of the way right off the top:

  1. In regards to parenting, 95% of you will agree with me whether you like it or not.
  2. I don’t care if you disagree with what’s written on this site. It’s a big internet out there, go somewhere else.
  3. Batman would totally kick Superman’s ass, let’s not pull any punches.
  4. I’d rather be watching TV.

If you’re made it past all of these without getting angry, stay for a while, otherwise, leave me the hell alone, I’m probably not here. I’m either reading a comic book or staring at the wall.

Here’s the original book proposal that I submitted, which for some reason wasn’t approved:

Overview
Let me explain what this book is. This book is 4,815 pages of pure win. When women hold the book in their hands, they will instantly conceive triplets that are stronger than the last son of Krypton. Taking the book into battle, men will be able to cast Mordenkainen’s Faithful Watchdog, and be completely protected. Not only will this book eliminate the conflict between Israel and Palestine, but it will be accepted as the new bible at most Christian churches. A new typeface will need to be developed for it, and new standards in kerning and leading will be forced into practice to fit the amounts of awesome necessary into a single page. This is the book that will single-handedly resurrect the print industry. It will be broken into 2 different sources of content.

Format
Here’s the problem. There aren’t any books written for my generation. I wanted to name my son Optimus Prime. In theory, I’d like to create something that is a series of essays, lists, and notes broken into 2 different types of content.

Part 1: Parenting
I have yet to see a book that discusses the experiences of parenting from someone my age. Actually, there may be some out there, but they can’t be anything to shake a stick at because I haven’t heard of them, and I’m on top of things. If there are books out there, I can almost guarantee that they’re not honest, or at least not as honest as I am.

In the midst of a particularly loud day at my home, my daughter asked me what I wanted for Father’s Day, to which I replied, “The sweet release of death”.

Me

This is how I look most of the time.

Actually that’s not what I want. You know what I want for Father’s day? I want a day without the noise, and the questions, and the goddamn bickering. I don’t want to get anybody juice, or take phone calls from 12 year olds on their cell phone looking for my son. I want everyone out of the house (my wife can stay), and I want to watch the RoboTech DVD that I have. Better yet, I’d rather watch the few episodes of Beavis and Butthead I have on VHS. Granted, I have the DVDs, but since they took the music videos out of the show when it went to DVD, it’s just not the same. Sacrificing the integrity of such a groundbreaking show just because you want to sell DVDs is bullshit, but whatever. I just want to see them make fun of Winger. After that, I want to read the latest 3 issues of  Batman, and watch old commercials on YouTube. At the end of the night I want a Gin and Tonic, smoke a Parliament, and listen to my records, which is gonna involve me setting up the record player.

So the first half of this book is essays and segments dedicated to being a father of three, who has lost access to all of his electronics, food, and personal space in return for noise and aggravation. People will identify with a lot of the content, though they may not want to admit it.

Part 2: People
Another part of the book is to point out people’s ignorance, including mine, but at least mine is in short supply. I’ve worked in a lot of different places, and I love to point out other people’s stupidity, and the lengths people will go to do the simplest things. I’ve frequently used these stories to people when they complain about something.
Think your job sucks? I worked in fast food and the sewers backed up into the cooking area and they stayed open.
Think there are weird people where you work? I worked at a radio station and a crazed fan of AM radio came to stalk me at 10pm. I had to put on a long record and drive him home.
Think you get asked stupid questions? Teaching college alone has given me enough to author the Encyclopedia of Ignorance.
So my vision is to create something that’s a series of essays, lists, and notes. I have an amazingly short attention span, so I can only see writing something that I’d actually read.

I’d also like to go on record now and say that yes, the people discussed in the book are not going to be happy with some of the things mentioned, and all I can say is, who gives a shit. I also have no interest in this becoming the feel good book of the year.