Author Archive

What do I look like? Fucking Tommy?

// August 20th, 2010 // Comments Off // Uncategorized

It’s not a simple case of mis-identification so much as this kid being a complete and total, dead from the neck up, meat head.

I arrive at the fine institution that I teach at dressed like a student. Listen, I don’t give a shit about outward appearances, so I was wearing shorts, sandals and a polo shit that was probably too small. So Meat Head walks up to me and says, “Do you work here?” For a visual record he looks like Gene Gene the Dancing Machine. Or at least what he’d look like today, wearing the same clothes.

I tell him that, unfortunately yes, I do. “Well, da lady said to go talk to security on the second floor, but I saw you.”

So you’re telling me that I look like security? I tell him I’m not security, but I do work here, and ask him what the problem is.

“Someone stole the pinball out of the pinball machine again.”

I just started laughing right in his face. I don’t usually do that, I usually wait to laugh at you behind you back, but this time I couldn’t fucking help it. Let me break this down, hear me out.

This ’student’ thought that I was a security guard, and he was too lazy to go upstairs to report the fact that someone had stolen a pinball out of the pinball machine…again.

Aged: Pronounced Age-Ed.

// August 11th, 2010 // Comments Off // Uncategorized

A friend from Cincinnati is in town and he wants to meet for a drink, which I think is a fantastic idea, if for no other reason than if I don’t, I’m probably gonna shake from withdrawal. The problem?

He wants to meet at 9:30 PM.

What is that mentality? Why do people feel the need to go ‘out’ and have some ‘drinks’ when it’s ‘dark’ outside?

I’m starting to only like daylight hours.

Gas On

// August 9th, 2010 // Comments Off // Uncategorized

Someone tell me when this happened. For fuck’s sake, I just want to get home but I have to stop for gas. I get out of the car, and swipe my card, and suddenly I feel like I’m interacting with WOPR from War Games:

Is this a Debit Card?
Please Enter Your Pin.
Please Enter Your Zip.
Please Swipe Shaw’s Reward Card or Hit Cancel.
Please Select Grade.
Would You Like a Receipt?
Would You Like a Car Wash?
Would You Like a Free 20 oz Fountain Drink?

Christ.

New Essay Posted

// August 7th, 2010 // Comments Off // Uncategorized

New Essay Posted: Time and Temperature.